Saturday, December 16, 2006

I am Orion's Mommy

I’m officially a full-time mom. My last day of work was today, and yes it’s 2am and I already feel the need to be back to a computer. It’s been almost seven years that I have not had a full-time job. I kept asking myself what I would be doing with all my time off. I suppose I’ll be writing more blogs and keeping up with things I need to keep up with. As for now, I am awake because of a nasty cold and can’t sleep. Bo is sound asleep right now. He is the greatest husband ever – didn’t you read the previous blog? He’s great, and he’s mine :)

To get back into my graphic design realm (because it has been already been 9 hours since I left my work place), I’m going to get started on our baby shower invites and party favors. Save the Date! January 28. I get to celebrate my birthday in babystyle.

We met with the pediatric cardiologist a few days ago, and he was kind enough to let us meet another family whose boy also has pulmonary atresia. How perfect he was. Just like any other 18-month old boy running around being a rascal. Mom was strong too. What a pleasure it was to be able to talk to another who has gone through the same thing. We learned Orion can still have a little boy’s life. He can still play soccer, basketball, baseball, and be an active kid like kids should be. I really do need to stop worrying so much.

I should probably get back to bed and rest too. The invites will have to wait until tomorrow.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Thank You mommy from daddy and baby.

Pregnancy is very special time in our lives. Tawny is truly more beautiful then ever. The smile she smiles when she looks at her belly, rubs it, and says, "he's moving around, he's going crazy," is one of the sweetest things any husband will experience.

She is the most important part of our team right now, as she is the one carrying Orion, the last thing protecting him, providing him with everything he needs to be alive. She is providing him with food, water, nutrients, air, love (along with mine), support, activities (he is quite active), a place to lie down, sit up, or swim around, a sweet soundtrack of her voice, warmth, a toilet, and a gym (he punches all the time, I picture him training like Rocky in Rocky IV, but instead of the ice cold Siberian vast it's a crammed wet womb). It makes me truly appreciate my mom for doing the same for me for nine months. I even get a little jealous sometimes, because Tawny is getting to know him right now in a way I won't be able to understand, but that’s ok because... because she’s mom. My big part in this beautiful play will come later, and I won't let my family down, I hope to be a star in Orion's life, like his mommy is now.

But I have to admit, although pregnancy is special, we men truly have it easy, being pregnant sucks. It seems, at first, carrying a baby is... not so bad. It's like carrying a little weight on you body, gradually increasing in small increments over 40 weeks. What? 25 lbs over 40 weeks that's like 5/8lb increments a week. In a workout routine that's nothing. But the logic is flawed. Tawny gained all her extra weigh in the last couple of weeks. She went from a little belly to... "wow you're huge," in a matter of 2-3 weeks... and she still has a lot to grow. It’s like doing Isometric weights but for nine months. The weight is also not evenly distributed, it’s concentrated on her belly..., which mean lower back pains. Even the maternaty support I got her seems to only help a little bit. Couple it up with balance problems, not seeing your feet, not being able to bend over, not being able to reach in high cabinets, the extra belly kind of sucks.

The hardships of pregnancy don’t stop at the belly. The baby's sac pushes up against all her organs: her stomach, intestines.. etc., which means eating for two will often cause queasiness, but like a trooper, no like a storm trooper, no like a Jedi knight, she eats... cause its what’s best for the baby. She endures through countless hours of gas pains, you know those sharp pains that you get after eating leftover Chinese food. Times that by two and put in large intestines that are squashed up on your side 9cause that’s where you large intestines are if you are pregnant). Then come the fact that you're not supposed to sleep on your belly (for obvious reasons) and your back (slows blood flow to baby), which leaves you with you sides (which are not hurting cause of gas pains). gas pains + lower back pains + husband that doesn't sleep well= no sleep. And still she gets up with a smile in the morning. if it were I, it would be a different story.

"But I have to admit, although pregnancy is special, we men truly have it easy... being pregnant sucks."

No...not beer... Trader Joe's ginger drink for her upset stomach!

I'm not even going to go into the end of the pregnancy where she will do the equivalent of us males passing a kidney stone the size of an orange (the organic ones, not the hormone injected gigantic ones, but still you get the point).

As of tomorrow we will be in our 26th week, and with only 14 weeks left, I am thankful for a beautiful wife, that has already in the first 6 months of our son's life, provided for him, endured hardships and pains for him, and has done it with very little complaint, and a beautiful smile... and ass. Thank You Baby.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! We are heading to Newbury Park today for some good Burmese food. Aside from that, we just got back from Big Bear last weekend. We wanted to have a weekend getaway from all the stress, worry, and work. It was pretty cold up there at night, and we spent the days in. We watched movies on a projector in our room, and I even got a special surprise: a Flash movie by my love with a second proposal (this time with THE ring). It is so pretty and sparkly!

Just a couple of days ago, I had a major panic attack that is probably normal for new mothers-to-be. I have been overcome by worry. All I think about every single minute is how to find the best care, where we are going to live, how we are going to afford all of these surgeries, how do I even take care of a child, how do I care for one who is fragile, am I ready for labor, on and on and on. It all came down on me in one swoop. I don’t seem to have time to prepare myself for this as I work in an office everyday. How do I make phone calls to doctors while I’m at work? How do I make time to do my prenatal yoga when I’m tired when I get home? All of these things I worry about and we have 16 weeks left! I do guess this is common, and I know I need to find a support group to communicate with. I think some of my friends who have kids don’t quite understand what we’re going through as much as parents who have gone through this situation. But we do appreciate and need all the support from our friends and family since they know us best.

Anyway, we are off to eat. Happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, November 17, 2006

We're Already Half Way

Congratulations, we’re pregnant! We are already at week 23, and time is going by fast. I always thought I would keep track of every moment of our pregnancy, but working full-time (and feeling exhausted) has kept me occupied.

The past several months have been a whirlwind of physical and emotional changes. I still have morning sickness, my back aches often, fatigue is endless, and my boss says I waddle. We have a human being to care for, one who is completely dependent on us for anything and everything. We’ve learned the responsibilities of providing our son the best love and care our hearts are capable of.

After taking a simple screening test five weeks ago, our son has been diagnosed with a congenital heart defect called pulmonary atresia. This means a pulmonary valve in his right ventricle was not fully developed and blood and oxygen cannot flow to the lungs. He is safe in the womb right now, but when he’s born, he’s going to have some heart trouble. This situation requires immediate surgery within that first week of life, and most likely two more surgeries as a toddler.

We take this pregnancy day by day. We do the best we can to find amazing doctors and surgeons to take care of our son. We smile everyday knowing this is fixable and we are lucky to have such a special child. Surrounding him are so many family and friends who care for him, pray for him, hope for him, and love him.